What is friendship? Who are our friends and what and why do we choose people to spend precious time with? Friendships are based on so many different things. Some people are casual friends with whom one meets now and then, accidentally or planned. These friends are often quite “clean”, in that you haven’t smelt each other’s bad breath or shared a heavy emotional time with them. They are duck egg blue friends – which doesn’t demean them. We like a bit of froth or relief from the stain of life. We need levels of friendship.
In at the deep end; there are friends that have stayed the course; have stuck with you through trial and tribulation; who know your guts and your soul and your heart. These friends will never fade like minor stars do. They are bright evening stars in a velvety sky friends. You know that they accept you for your many flaws and have stayed with you over the years, like long-term cell-mates, or partners without the added complication of sex. They get the world in a similar way to you. They have been in the dirt as you have, loved to distraction; been lost in the desert of meaning; have sought spiritual nourishment in various guises and decadence, as you have; sworn by therapy, by play, dance, tai chi, singing, swimming, laughing, crying, giggling and loving passionately. These are the friends who, when the decades have flown and turned into giants, are still there, sharing a prosecco or a nettle tea; a walk in a windy wood; a call that lasts a whole morning; typo-ridden messages on what’s app or telegram that come when you’re busy but you take the time to read and respond to because you love them unconditionally.
These are Friends. Capital F friends in vermillion. Kanagawa wave friends. Others are polite friends that you meet in cafes for an hour, with an oatmeal latte to comfort you when connection falters; friends you know somehow will always hover like beautiful butterflies or moths around the light of your being, but will not, were never destined to dive in; to get too close to the light. True friends risk everything for you – even your friendship. They tell you the truth when you are being an arse, or deluded or egotistical or in love with a hopeless creature. Your friends love you for who you are, there are no caveats, no secrets; no hang-ups.
This is authentic friendship. Warts and smooth skin are adored and celebrated equally. The mountain of real friendship is climbed without ropes. It is unto itself the most profound thing you will experience in your life. Like the proverbial penny, you or they may roll away, but without trying, you find your ways back, like stars touching in eternity. You meet always in time and out of time. Friends are the loves of your life; not the romanticised ones; but the down in the dirt ones. True friends say I love you and mean it time and time again. You know who they are because they know who you are…